fresh starts of the personel, the personal and a promise

So Fresh starts! I have had a bunch lately....Let me explain

I ended the previous blog entry with my "come to Jesus" meeting with Al Bundy at the shoe store. Yes, Al...I know I'm fat, Yes Al...That is probably why I want to cut my legs off at mile 3...No Al, I don't want you to be my personal trainer...

That was Al...But then I met KELSEY!
You see it was the night before my 26.2 final Long run. It was also girls night which means I was geared up for adventure and an atm card promising my paycheck would clear by midnight. So off we went to Road Runner sports in Kent. We would arrive 5 minutes before it closed so I called and pleaded they pull my shoes for me and I would just pay for them when I arrived. Why new shoes...WHY? I know...we've been through this...(with al's help) but I just couldn't believe that my new (new) shoes weren't partially to blame for my pain at mile 3 last time.
So, Kelsey was there and I tried on said shoes. KEEERAAAP! They rubbed on the same place as the last pair did that I tried in Colorado! I thought maybe it was a fluke and that the new ones wouldn't rub...but no. How bout a size up? Fluffernutter! even a 10 1/2 was uncomfortable. Now the store has officially closed and Kelsey cautiously offered, "would you like me to pull some others 4 you". Poor 18 year old Kelsey did not know she was offering crack to a shoe whore. "If you wouldn't mind?" I sweetly replied. Her coworker sighed, locked us in the store and went to dump the garbage in the back. Kelsey pulled a 4 pairs, No luck. Finally she said "have you ever tried a stability-plus shoe?" Why no, I had never heard of them. 4 months of research, 6 sports stores and countless books had ne'er mentioned stability plus shoes! So she returned with Saucony Hurricanes. I Put em on, ran 20 feet and felt great. 150$ later (20 $ off with coupon-whoo hoo)and I was off. I thanked Kelsey profusely and headed to carbo load at Momma Stortinni's with hope and trepidation. The physical therapist in me knew better than to break in new shoes on a 26 mile run...The psycho shoe whore however was hopeful that this investment, now clutched to her bosom, would prove to be the perfect shoe.

And did it EVER! Yes I wanted to cut my legs off, but at mile 14 I did a check of my limbs. Achilles pain? NO. R hip pain, Negative! L knee pain? Absolutely NOT! Seriously...This was no runners high, this was a shoppers high. It was a purchase to be savored. I LOVE KELSEY and have called and emailed her manager in appreciation. Just for the record, I did hurt. But both my legs felt equally tortured as if an invisible vice was slowly asphyxiating them from all hope of ending this insanity. The hunger and whole body numbness started about 23 miles and I giddily glided to a stop at 26.2 miles. I hadn't looked down at my watch the entire run. I wanted to run it without time constraints or added pressure. I hooted and hollered at the 2:30 I saw on my watch. For 10 seconds or so I thought I had morphed into a Nigerian and ran the dang thing in 2 hours and 30 minutes. I embarrassed myself as I yelled to my running partner..." 2 hours and 30 minutes!?" How did we do that? She sweetly said, "Its 2:30 in the afternoon...we started at 8 am" Oh... 6 1/2 hours. That sounded more like the 37 year old-overweight-Norwegian mommy who was hallucinating in her kick-ass shoes.

We talked about the fresh start of personnel (kelsey vs. al bundy), now on to the "personal" Yep...talkin about running commando. So, maybe this isn't the place to talk about running underwear or lack there-of. I think this is something runners just don't talk about...But I don't think they wear underwear. Early in this process I learned that certain unmentionables can cause a vivisection of sorts, kinda like dissecting your pelvis in half by way of wedgie. Wanting to avoid a "wedgie removal" maneuver every 1/2 mile in front of 10,000 people I have tried other options.
Since I "stalk" I mean "pirooze" a handful of running stores, I've noticed an obvious lack of running "under apparel". Next time, take note...there is very few running skivvies to be found. I happened upon this accidentally as I hadn't done laundry in 2 weeks. Usually, I break into my hubby's underwear cause He actually does his (and the childrens) laundry. To be honest, its just plain fun to wear men's underwear...there is just way more room... Anyhoo. So, I realized that "less is more" on these long runs and in most running apparel there are built in "hammock" like things. Breathable, Cotton...TMI I know :)

Now for the promise. Being the Silly Rabbit that I am, I made a pseudo promise of "159 at the finish line". Um....NO. The new mantra is "tequila and lime at the finish line". The man who's underwear I am wearing (that I shalleth not mention) actually rolled his eyes when I inquired if there were plugs for my blender at the finish line. I am joking...kind of. I have stayed true to my no alcohol promise and am looking forward to a celebratory margarita that will hopefully not spill on my perfect shoes.

I had a cool moment on the treadmill last night. I had to drag my lifeless, exhausted body onto it to complete 7 miles. At midnight I hit 100 minutes and the darn thing shut off! How cool is that~ I walked on the treadmill till the treadmill defaulted. In a cathartic reverence I re-started it to complete the last 5 minutes. (see the fresh start theme?)

So, in light of my treadmill moment I come to my Lord exhausted, defaulted and ready for a fresh start. Finally, and beautifully God wraps up this week with his perfect revelation, That he has been and will always be ALL I NEED. The marathon idea started out as time for me to pray for 26 families I love. To learn 26 random scriptures with the chapter and vs. being 26:2 or 10:10 or that involved the theme of running. He has been the alpha and omega of this process. He's the reason I started it, the reason I've endured the midnight treadmill sessions and the reason I'll cross that finish line in 5 days. In this process He provided a real-life running partner who is gracious and kind. She never slanders, always encourages and gives me Ibuprofen at mile 6 because she remembered. She has band aids to heal blisters and words to heal my heart. She has taught me that its possible for one to propel your body for 6 1/2 hours without gossiping, while praying for others and thanking God for his beauty. She has been an inspiration and a mentor. However, she is flawed, as foolishly she asked if I was up to climbing mount rainier with her next year. This may have caused me to swear accidentally at small group. Thank goodness what is said at small group stays at small group!
In all seriousness, I have visualized crossing this finish line for 8 months now. As I was entertaining my insomnia I realized that I'm not really crossing a finish line. Because I don't want to go back to that girl 8 months ago. I don't want to rely on the things that brought me comfort, The idols that took me away from my time with God, the things that divided my attention. I'm a marathoner now, I've learned how to listen to the ring of my childrens voices when they speak because I've turned off the t.v. I've learned that 10 minutes of hanging with them can fuel 2 hours on the treadmill. I've learned that prayer truly changes things. I've seen life change in the family's I've prayed for. People have jobs that didn't, A friends brother is finally open to hearing about the Hope of the Lord while dying of Cancer. Another friend is braving an incomprehensible journey of Grief with grace and authenticity.
Personally I have been blessed with a stronger marriage,a slower heart rate and a whole lot of gratitude. At the beginning I had prayed for one thing, that the Lord would protect us from injury. He has done that, even to the point of protecting my entire family from a 5 car accident that by all means should have been tragic. After the screeching brakes halted, we all rolled down our windows and a lady said "How is it that we all didn't hit?" I just thanked God and acknowledged his angels at work. I pictured them with their hands extended in protection. God cares about it all, He is faithful in it all. I have never ran in extreme heat or pouring down rain. HE has been so faithful with even the littlest things.
How can I ever grumble, How can I ever doubt? Why would I ever return to idols that drew my attention away from my family, from my focus and from My God. Running toward God has helped that. It stripped away the reasons not to do something. It called out to say "Its not an option, Karen". So going back to that Karen 8 months ago is not the direction I'm going. I've got new shoes now, and a pretty cool path in which to travel.

"PSALM 26:2" Test me oh Lord, and try me...Examine my heart and my mind. For your love is ever before me. And I will walk continually in your truth"

"can I speak candidly"

I am on a quest for the perfect pair of running shoes. In this quest, I have piroozed 4 different running stores while vacationing in fort collins, Co. Everybody in fort collins is fit. They bike, they run (in 90 degree heat even)so where better to find the perfect shoes. The fourth shop brought me another memorable running store experience. The conversation went a little something like this...

Me: "I'm looking for a shoe that will help with my L achilles pain and R knee pain
Him: There are a lot of factors that could be causing that...overtraining, adding mileage, footwear..."

I went on to explain how I'm definately not overtraining and mileage isn't the factor either.

Him: "can I speak candidly with you?"
Me: "yes..."
Him: "for every 1 pound you lose will take 4 pounds off your knees"
Me: "I'm aware of that being a factor and am working on that (ok...not really}. What i'm wondering is if better shoes will allow me to run further before the pain starts".
Me: "So different shoes are not going to help"
Him: Looking me up and down said "No, different shoes won't help. Its not the shoes"

He said He would be interested in training me if I lived locally. I figured he was picturing the "before and after" photos. So I thanked him for his knowledge and took my sore knees and "before" butt out the door.

Strangely, I appreciate people like him. He was honest and just sharing what he knew. I'm weird that way. I'd rather be able to sift through peoples honest opinions than to hear a bunch of fluff. He had asked permission to be candid and I had granted him that.

So later that night I went for a walk/run. It was an awesome night. It was 11 pm. Jason was on his computer on my parents porch and I was running around the circle. Last time I walked at night I was almost attacked by a dog. So jason was chaperoning. I probably looked like I was nodding while running cause I was alternating looking down for snakes and looking up to talk to Jesus. A thought occured to me stemming somewhere between my candid shoe clerk and My awesome heavenly father. The thought being...I have 7 weeks until my marathon and could maybe drop a pound...or 10. Not to worry, as this isn't a vanity thing as much as a joint protection strategy.

My mantra then became..."159 at the finish line" I'm breaking the only 2 rules I have. not sharing my weight or my S.A.T scores...but its for the greater good of my athletic process. "159 at the finish line" has such a great ring to it. Its what I sang out at Mc Donalds when I denied myself a cookie...but silenced when I ate 1/2 of my nephews fries. Lets see if it becomes a reality. Making my mantra a reality would involve saying no to my 2 favorite things...alcohol and dessert (best when served together). Of course fresh fruit and dark chocolate are allowed. The problem is I'm not a big fan of deprivation as a source of weight loss. This was made apparent when I gained 12 pounds on weight watchers. So I may give myself a little room on the dessert side of my new marathon-madness-mantra. But the alcohol I can definately live without for 7 weeks. At least thats what all the running books recommend when in training. My favorite book says not to have more than 2 drinks the night before a run. I usually don't exceed more than 2 drinks in a week so this is definately do-able and its showtime folks!
This entire process has been so Cathartic. I'm getting more serious as the day approaches. The math looks a little something like this: 20 miles in 5hours, 4 running stores, 3 returned pairs of "the wrong shoes", 2 drinks a week and 1 candid conversation with Al bundy at the shoe store = a newly motivated and less intoxicated athlete. I knew she was there somewhere.

birthdays, babies and anxiety

Kids: recent birthday memories: Cadence turned 7 on June 9th. When I figure out how my really cool digital video camera can talk to my super cool new laptop, I promise to put the video of her dumping her cake. I guess 7 year olds can't transport a cake on a slippery board. The funny thing is...I thought she could do it, She thought she could do it, Jason obviously was the only clear headed one as he on video says...'there it goes' seconds before it crashed to the ground. Great moment though, remembered by video and buttercream ground into my carpet. Being slightly evil I brushed it off, pulled the dog hairs out of the icing and served it up. Even more evil, I sent some home with people and made them swear they wouldn't tell the unknowing vicitims that the same cake was face down on the floor just hours before. (until after they ate it). I have evil family so they complied just perfectly. Good times! Then bethy turned 2 on july 14th. She loves baby dolls and got her very own scooter. She tatles on her siblings and screams "coffee!" if she sees you drinking it. she has her own blinged-out mug and I mix copious amounts of milk in it (for ye who judge). She is an incredible 2 year old. She is loud, opinionated and perfect. She hollars in her bed "all DONE!" when she wakes and sings twinkle twinkle to put herself to sleep. She steals the show when she dances and pierces right through you with her blue eyes. She is everything I ordered and so much more. Happy birthday beth!

As for the running, I am starting to get anxiety when I think about it. Its so silly and my very smart neighbor was witnessing this anxiety the day before my long run. He said "relax, You are going to complete the 15 miles...it doesn't matter how long it takes you...you'll get it done". That was really helpful cause I had lost focus and had a certain time goal in mind that was adding to the chest pain. My running partner was fine with a few more walk breaks to complete 15 miles on monday. She didn't complain that I walked the last 2 miles and limped the last 4. We did 15 miles in 3 hours and 39 minutes up and back the orting trail. She is soo sweet and just jogs around me when I'm limping or stretching or moaning. She is like a gazelle and hops along, smiling, rested while hydrating on gatorade and the holy spirit. I on the other hand am whimpering and trying to swear imperceptibly as not to ruin her experience. I too talk to Jesus as I beg him to make his return and look up frequently to see if he's on his way. All joking aside, We had a nice run and reviewed the scriptures I've since memorized on this journey. All chapt. 26 vs. 2 in honor of the marathon.
Isaih 26.2- Open the gates that the righteous may enter the nation that keeps faith.
Psalm 26.2-test me and try me. Examine my heart and mind. For your love is ever before me and I will walk continually in your truth.
jeramiah 26.2-This is what the Lord says. Stand in the courtyard of the house of the Lord and speak to all the people of the towns of juday who come to worship in the house of the Lord. Tell them everything I command you. Do not omit a word
job 26.2- How you have helped the powerless. How you have saved the arm that is feeble

God always shows up. Soo cool.

things I've learned...

Recent things I've learned....
1. I can run 13.4 miles in 3 hours. (Half a marathon BABY!)
2. I can run a half marathon on 4 hours sleep because I'm up all night worried about running flippin 13 miles in the morning
3. Hand sanitizer works as deodorant in a pinch
4 Powdered sugar sprinkled on microwave popcorn is the bomb~

Thats what I've figured out this week.

dinner of champions

Just made hamburger wraps for dinner. I was too hungry and ingested the whole thing. Chased it with some nachos but resisted the screwdriver to wash them nachos down. So...heavy laden with cholesterol I am eyeing my running shorts and they are mocking me. Needless to say I haven't exactly got the athlete diet down yet. Thought about how I read a blog about this runner who ate sprouted wheat sandwiches and drank yard clippings pulverized in a blender. Didn't think about it too long however cause my thoughts clicked over to the idea that sprinkling powdered sugar over popcorn may actually work as a quick fix for kettle corn. Anyway...Enough! I gotta put on my spandex so I can come home, prop my feet up...crochet and watch the blind side...oh and maybe mix up that screwdriver to rehydrate :)

I've been dragging the last couple weeks. I've taken a few too many days off. I run a minimum of 2 days a week but should be running 5. This was reiterated as I tried to complete 12 miles on Monday. Again at mile 6 I was miserable. What is it about mile 6? Always at mile 6 I question my sanity and my body questions its own ability to propel my mass another step. So, luckily we turned around at mile 6 and retreated back the way we came. At mile 8 I started limping and continued that for the remaining 4 miles.

At the parking lot as we stretched I overheard 2 men talking about God. They were bike riders and had passed us a couple times on the trail. By the way... i get so jealous of bike riders. They have a seat! It looks so comfortable, so cushy, so easy...anyhoo. One guy said "I'm not the type to go on a mission trip. It makes me really uncomfortable" The other guy said "Maybe that's just the reason you SHOULD do something like that" There may be some amazing and poignant thought regarding their conversation and it may occur to me later but mostly I was intrigued at how they talked to each other. They were obviously acquaintances and not close friends because they were so nice to each other. They weren't farting or razzing each other and they were very politely talking about their churches and their bible studies. (see sidebar for brilliant segue into kid section) I wanted to stay for a while but my eavesdropping was quickly becoming stalking so I retreated. I don't know why but I'll probably remember mile 12 as my jealousy of Christian cyclists.

Quick sidebar: I asked cadence and mitch what they wanted to be when they grew up. Cadence said a teacher. Mitch replied "A professional slushy eater and farter" They say the coolest things!

I packed up my new found limp and coerced my pissed off hamstrings into the car and drove home. I found my beautiful Christian man waiting for me on the driveway. He had a strange look I couldn't quite place. It was either pity(doubtful), relief (it took me so long to run 12 miles he possibly considered me missing) or curiosity of how I would get out of the car. He cocked his head to the side and gave a half smirk then helped me up the stairs. What a great guy. Maybe he can take up cycling...

SO that was monday. Now its sunday and I'm wondering when the athlete thing kicks in. Cause tonight I don't feel like an athlete. I HAD to run 4 miles tonight and its the LAST thing I wanted. So I said to myself "ITS NOT AN OPTION". That's what I say at 11 at night, and on days after insomnia and on nights like tonight. Because 3 1/2 months from now I have to run a marathon. In retrospect I should have spoken my mantra earlier when I was ingesting onion dip, fajitas, pie and a margarita. Wow, definitely not a pre-run dinner. More like a friday night binge in college. Loaded with worthless nutrients I walked the 4 miles. 1 in the rain and the other 3 on the treadmill. And although tonight I'm going to bed with a belly full of frat boy food... tomorrow I'm waking up an athlete!

Now that you're an athlete...

I was at diva night at a local running store on thursday. I went for the giveaways and free food (and wine). Had a really good time even though I didn't win anything. I was talking to the owner and picking his brain about why I had callouses forming in weird places. If anyone cares my callouses are forming on my metatarsals between the big and 2nd toe. I would expect a callous on my big toe but not between those too. I figured my stride was weird or my shoes were ill fitting. So this nice man and I tried to problem solve it. He said the strangest thing when not being able to answer my medical malady. He said (and not with a hint of sarcasm or wry smile) He said...Well now that you are an athlete you can expect weird aches and pains.

He went on to talk about intensity of work outs and such and I drifted off into this weird world that would ever describe me as an athlete. Excuse me? An athlete is not someone who fears the stores employee may think I'm lost and point out that the weight watchers meeting is the next shopping center over. So I took my athletic mind with me to happy hour with my girlfriends. Over buffalo wings, onion rings, cheese sticks, garlic fries, hummus (a healthy option)and blue cheese chips washed down with 1 or 2 beers I pondered this concept of me an athlete. Don't judge...there were 4 of us and I'd only been labeled an athlete for 15 minutes. Yes...It occured to me that athletes don't eat or drink like this. So for the last 3 days I've asked myself, is this what an athlete would eat? 90 percent of the time the answer is no. So I have room to grow thank goodness.

On a spiritual note I found myself asking God to join me on my long run this weekend. I find it fun to look up scriptures with the chap. and verse being 26.2. Isaiah 26.2 says" Open the gates that the righteous nation may enter..the nation that keeps faith" Psalm 26.2 " Test me oh Lord and try me. Examine my heart and mind. For your love is ever before me and I will walk continually in your truth". Walking continually felt about right. Memorizing scripture was a great diversion and God is a spectacular companion. He showered me with seattle rain at mile 6 and gave me hope at mile 8. I keep thinking that this will get easier...Not quite. But for the first time since starting this journey I actually think that I can do this. You know...now that I'm an athlete and all :)